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|MYT|Torq
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

Yea Another

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit
the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the
books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy
a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when
there's too little left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to
the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of
bandages."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's
left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to
trap him with an unanswerable question . "We save it and send it back
to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free
package of plaster."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know-it-all CFO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the
leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save
all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about
once a year they send us a complete dick."
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CodeBlack
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

hahah nice one mate :clap:
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|MYT|Alexis
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

:lol: :lol: :lol: :g1:
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|MYT|Alexis
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

Scared sleeping


Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever

come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
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|MYT|Torq
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

Nice One Alexis :lol:

Another from me

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Essex.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?

What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

Its men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people.


Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humour!'

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells, 'You stay out of this mate! I'm talking to that little **** on your lap!'
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|MYT|Torq
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

Another

The Inventor of the Harley-Davidson Motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , Died
and went to Heaven.

At the Gates, St. Peter told Arthur.'Since you've been such a Good Man
and Your Motorcycles have Changed the World, Your Reward is, you can
Hang-Out with Anyone You Want to in Heaven.'

Arthur Thought About it for a Minute and then said,
'I want to Hang-Out with God.'

St. Peter Took Arthur to the Throne Room,
and Introduced Him to God.

God Recognized Arthur and Commented,'Okay, so you were
the One Who Invented the Harley-Davidson Motorcycle?'
Arthur said, 'Yeah, That's Me...'

God Commented: 'Well, what's theBig Deal in Inventing Something that's
Pretty Unstable, Makes Noise and Pollution and Can't Run Without a Road?'

Arthur was a Bit Embarrassed, but Finally Spoke,
'Excuse me, but Aren't You the Inventor of Woman?'


God said, 'Ah, Yes.'
'Well,' said Arthur, 'Professional to Professional,
You Have Some Major Design Flaws in Your Invention ! :

1. There's Too Much Inconsistency in the Front-End Suspension ~
2. It Chatters Constantly at High Speeds ~
3. Most of Rear Ends AreToo Soft and Wobble About Too Much ~
4. The Intake is Placed Way Too Close to the Exhaust ~
5. The Maintenance Costs Are Outrageous! ~

'Hmmmmm, You May Have Some Good Points There,
'Replied God, 'Hold On,'---->

God Went to His 'Celestial-Super-Computer',
Typed in a Few Words and Waited for the Results.

The Computer Printed-Out a Slip of Paper and God Read It ~

'Well, it May be True That My Invention is Flawed,' God Said to
Arthur, 'But According to These Numbers,
More Men are Riding My Invention Than Yours'
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|MYT|Torq
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

Another :

A little boy goes to his
dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let
me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the
family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the
administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.


We are here to take care
of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will
consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother,
we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and
see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes
off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he
hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.


He finds that the baby
has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes
to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.


Not wanting to wake her,
he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the
little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all
about.'

The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the
Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and
the Future is in deep ****.'
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|MYT|Torq
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

ANOTHER

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:
“What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response;
I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid …………

“Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter."
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|MYT|Hest
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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|MYT|Alexis
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

hehehehee :lol:
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|MYT|Torq
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

Another


A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her
stammerers action group. She had tried every technique in the book without
the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of
you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without
stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles
ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?"



The Englishman piped up.


"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said.



"That's no use, Trevor" said the speech therapist, "Who's next?"



The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out


"P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".



“That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish. How about you, Paddy?”



The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out "London”.



Brilliant, Paddy! said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.

After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
"-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry".
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|MYT|Torq
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

Another :

An Aussie trucker walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The trucker says, 'A Hamburger, Fries and a Coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'
'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A Hamburger, Fries and a Coke.'
The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'

Again the trucker reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a Steak, Baked Potato and a Salad,' says the man..
' Same for me,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the trucker, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'





The trucker pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.
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|MYT|Torq
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

Yet MORE


A man owned a small farm in Ireland.



The Irish Internal Revenue determined he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent an Investigator out to interview him.



"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them!" demanded the investigator.



"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him 150 Pounds a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 120 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the halfwit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 a week. He pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."



"That's the guy I want to talk to...the halfwit!" said the agent.



"That would be me," replied the farmer.
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|MYT|Alexis
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

lol Torq


In a restaurant, a man ordered soup but, as soon as it arrived, he had to go to the bathroom. To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I SPIT IN THE SOUP".
When he returned, he found another message on napkin: "ME, TOO".
:lol:
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|MYT|Torq
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Re: Torq's Ticklers

:lol: Good One Alexis

ANOTHER


A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.


When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their underpants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.'

'No, love,' he replied.

"I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15"

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