Torq's Ticklers

[|MYT|Torq]

JOKE ALARTUS 4

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest
of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"
>>>>>
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
>>>>>
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best
toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
>>>>>
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
corner.
>>>>>
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night
at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.
" She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.
You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.
Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
>

[Griffin]

[|MYT|Aciidc0der]

by the ears...?? that man is bad doing it

[Taran]

Muahahaahahaha I will rate this over the other ones. GUD JOB MATE. Keep it up

[Heebo]

HAHAHAHAHAAAA!

[Taran]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to
her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes
a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist
it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like
to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his
first
time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his
head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head
down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."

[|MYT|Torq]

ANOTHER TIKLER


Apple Computer reported today that it has developed
> implantable computer chips that can store and play music
> inside women's breasts.
>
> This is considered to be a major breakthrough because
> women are always complaining about men staring at their
> breasts and not listening to them.
>

[|MYT|Aciidc0der]

ANOTHER TIKLER


Apple Computer reported today that it has developed
> implantable computer chips that can store and play music
> inside women's breasts.
>
> This is considered to be a major breakthrough because
> women are always complaining about men staring at their
> breasts and not listening to them.
>

Im sure theyre going to be listened

[FroZenFury]

ANOTHER TIKLER


Apple Computer reported today that it has developed
> implantable computer chips that can store and play music
> inside women's breasts.
>
> This is considered to be a major breakthrough because
> women are always complaining about men staring at their
> breasts and not listening to them.
>

[Heebo]

[smilie=sign0142.gif]

[Taran]

ANOTHER TIKLER


Apple Computer reported today that it has developed
> implantable computer chips that can store and play music
> inside women's breasts.
>
> This is considered to be a major breakthrough because
> women are always complaining about men staring at their
> breasts and not listening to them.
>

GUD 1

[Shaun]

haha some good ones there

[|MYT|Torq]

ANOTHER TICKLER

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,
"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about
it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a
doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Walmart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout. "You have tennis elbow. Soak your
arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two
weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Walmart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from
his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Walmart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten
dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
> >
> >

[|MYT|Serge]

LOL

[Heebo]

ROFLMAO

keep those comming Torq, i love it!