A parrot hit a car and became unconscious. Out of pity, the driver took it to his house and put it in a cage. On gaining consciousness, the parrot exclaimed, "Oh my God! I??™m in jail. Did I kill the driver?"
Physical death i do not fear, death of conscience is a sure death.
I dont know if this one is a joke, but im sure maybe you heard it before:
A boy and a Dad are driving a car and they get into a accident. When they get to the hospital, the Dad dies, and the boy needs surgury. So when the boy gets into the Operating room, the surgion says "Wait a min, i cant operate on him." "Why not?", the nurse says. The surgion replies "Cause he is my son". Who is the person??
I was having trouble with my
computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks
like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of
buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called
after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T
error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless
inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it
again.'
Eric grinned...
'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
before?'
'No,' I
replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think
you'll figure it out.'
The Centers for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.
Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While Doing so he asked her, 'Do you know what I am doing?'
'Yes,' she replied, 'You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological abnormalities.'
'That's right,' said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
'Do you know what I am doing now?' he asked.
'Yes,' she said, 'You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer.'
'Correct,' replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his Patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked,
'Do you know what I am doing now?'
'Yes,' she said, 'You're getting herpes:
which is why I came here in the first place.'
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Harry.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little Harry says, 'I have a question for YOU Miss Rogers'.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking on the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little Harry replies, 'The correct answer is 'The one with the wedding-ring on, 'but I like your thinking.'
A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS COUNSELED HIS GRANDSON THAT IF HE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HIS OATMEAL EVERY MORNING
THE GRANDSON DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103 WHEN HE DIED.
HE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRAND-CHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, AND A 15 FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE.