A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."
Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."
Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
I think at one time or other this little ditty resonates with us all .
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Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River Thames .
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age.
We were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down at the car park by the Houses of Parliament.'
'Same here. Hmm.....How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shi t out of
them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shi t
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase.
The teacher asked the class to use the word fascinate in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating
The teacher said, That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating. Sally raised her hand. She said, My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.
The teacher said, Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate. Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word fascinate so she called on him.
Johnny said, My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!
The teacher sat down and cried.