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Griffin
Ex-MYT
Posts: 144
Joined: 06 May 2006, 21:14
Location: UK (Cornwall)

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA
to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a game. The blonde, who's
tired and just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to
the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says the game is
easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention; and figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to
the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "it's your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs but comes down
with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his
references--no answer. He taps into the airphone with his modem and
searches the Net and the Library of Congress--no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde says "Thank you" and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks,
"Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00,
and goes back to sleep !
User avatar
|MYT|Serge
Team Leader
Posts: 2224
Joined: 11 Sep 2005, 13:00
battle.net: Serge#21837
Origin: Mage
PSN: ex-serge
Steam: sergelicious

loool :lol:
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Griffin
Ex-MYT
Posts: 144
Joined: 06 May 2006, 21:14
Location: UK (Cornwall)

>>Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn
>>
>>that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live
>>
>>Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.
>>
>>Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.
>>
>>
>>
>>Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I
>>
>>Only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again ?"
>>
>>Carolyn agreed and again they made love.
>>
>>
>>
>>Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only
>>
>>Eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, "Honey
>>?
>>
>>Please ? Just one more time before I die."
>>
>>She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.
>>
>>
>>
>>Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed
>>
>>And turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife
>>
>>On the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left !
>>Could we ?"
>>
>>
>>
>>His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm
>>
>>Not being funny... but I have to get up in the morning and you don't."
Taran

hahahha :lol:
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Griffin
Ex-MYT
Posts: 144
Joined: 06 May 2006, 21:14
Location: UK (Cornwall)

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first
class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue,
gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen
seconds.

The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped
her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman
might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
Asbefore she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more
than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and
said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times,
wipedyour nose and then shuddered violently.
Are you ok?"

"I am sorry! if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical
condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have
never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking
anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper".
User avatar
Griffin
Ex-MYT
Posts: 144
Joined: 06 May 2006, 21:14
Location: UK (Cornwall)

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls
for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman
steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole
this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the lying Bastard told you I was speeding, too!!!



Don't Mess With Old Ladies
Taran

lol good one's m8
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|MYT|Torq
Clan Leader
Posts: 5723
Joined: 23 Jun 2006, 17:58
Discord: |MYT|Torq#8727
Location: UK

Good one Griff m8 :hahahaha: :hahahaha:
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|MYT|Aciidc0der
Inactive Member
Posts: 399
Joined: 24 Jul 2006, 02:26
Location: México

pepper had me laughing for hours!!!
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Griffin
Ex-MYT
Posts: 144
Joined: 06 May 2006, 21:14
Location: UK (Cornwall)

TWO NUNS


There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.


Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.


SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
I'll pray for you!
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Griffin
Ex-MYT
Posts: 144
Joined: 06 May 2006, 21:14
Location: UK (Cornwall)

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married
again.
>>
>>She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:
>>
>>HUSBAND WANTED:
>>MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
>>MUST NOT BEAT ME,
>>MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
>>AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
>>ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
>>
>>On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
opened
>>the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He
had no arms or legs.
>>
>>"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow
>>said. "Just look at you .. you have no legs!"
>>
>>The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
>>"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
>>
>>Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you! "
>>
>>She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in
>>bed??"
>>
>>The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
>>"I rang the door bell didn't I?"
>>
>>The wedding is scheduled for Saturday
User avatar
Griffin
Ex-MYT
Posts: 144
Joined: 06 May 2006, 21:14
Location: UK (Cornwall)

Cowboy in Mexico --

A big Texas cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning, a delicacy!"

The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation -- bring me an order."

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry Senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."

The next morning, the cowboy returned and placed his order. That evening he returned and was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
User avatar
Griffin
Ex-MYT
Posts: 144
Joined: 06 May 2006, 21:14
Location: UK (Cornwall)

>10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
>
>9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can
>die.
>
>8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an
>erection, make him a sandwich.
>
>7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach a person to
>use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
>
>6 - Some people are like a Slinky... Not really good for anything, but
>you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
>
>5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
>dying of nothing.
>
>4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
>to criticism.
>
>3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial
>tax cut saves you 50p?
>
>2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world
>is weird and
>People take Prozac to make it normal.
>
>AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:
>We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of
>Cars in Britain......
>
>But we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants
>and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of
>immigration.......

===========================
for those of you outside the UK, the DVLA is the Driving and Vehicle Licensing Agency.
In charge of issuing driving licenses, registering vehicles, and stinging me for about ?200 a year to drive my car on our roads. (road tax)
On top of the 75% tax rate on fuel, which is currently around ?0.90 per litre! :evil: :evil: :evil:
User avatar
|MYT|Aciidc0der
Inactive Member
Posts: 399
Joined: 24 Jul 2006, 02:26
Location: México

nice balls ;)


or as we call them here

"huevos" which litterally mean eggs...

anyway nice ones!
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Supersonic
Ex-MYT
Posts: 298
Joined: 08 Jul 2006, 09:58
Location: Almaty, Kazakhstan

......talking about blondes......

Policeman stops a car with a blonde girl driver.
Policeman (PM): "Driving license please"
Blonde (B): "What is it?"
PM: "It is little thing with your photo on it"
Blonde started looking for it in her bag and found a mirror, and passed it to policeman.
PM looked in the mirror and said: "Ok....but why you didnt tell that you work in police!?"

THE END :)
Last edited by Supersonic on 21 Mar 2007, 09:33, edited 1 time in total.

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