Torq's Ticklers

[Sinaas]

hehe nice 1 m8y

[CodeBlack]

ahahahaa

[|MYT|Torq]

A Little Tickler


Pirate In Bar
> > >
> > > A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't
> seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'
> > >
> > > 'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'
> > >
> > > Bartender, 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
> > >
> > > Pirate, 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball,
> but I'm fine now.'
> > >
> > > Bartender, 'Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your
> hand?'
> > >
> > > Pirate, 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a
> sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine,
> really.'
> > >
> > > 'Bartender 'what about that eye patch?'
> > >
> > > Pirate, 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over.
> I looked up and one of them poo-d in my eye.'
> > >
> > > 'You're kidding,' said the bartender, 'you lost an eye just from bird
>poo.'
> > >
> > > Pirate, 'It was my first day with the hook.'

[|MYT|Torq]

ANOTHER TICKLER

THE OSTRICH

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
>>
>> The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the
ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

>> A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be
$9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out
the exact change for payment.

>> The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says,
"A hamburger, fries and a coke."The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
>> Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

>> This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks
the waitress.
>>
>> "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato
and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.
>>
>> Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be
>>$32.62."
>> Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.
>>
>> The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer "Excuse me>> sir.
>> How do you manage to alwa ys come up with the exact change in your
pocket every time?"
>>
>> "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic
and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me
two wishes.
>>
>> My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would
just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would
always be there."
>>
>> "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for
a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you
want for as long as you live!"
>> That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
>> exact money is always there ," says the man.
>> The waitress asks, "What 's with the ostrich?"

>> The man sighs, pauses and answers,
"My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I
say."

[CodeBlack]

hahahaha!

[|MYT|Hest]

good one

[|MYT|Torq]

YET MORE

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around
the empty room, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said
'Jesus is watching you.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his
flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he
shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear
as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.' Freaked out, he shone his
light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally,
in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you
that Jesus is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler

[CodeBlack]

hahaha...

by the way

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'jesus'.

i guess u forgot

[|MYT|Alexis]

The Smart Blonde


A blonde woman boards an airplane. She is extremely exhausted and just wants to take a nap. She finally finds her seat and sits down next to a very curious young man.

He wants to test the whole dub blonde thing and possibly make some money out of it. "Hey, wanna play a game?" he asks her. "No thank you, i just want to take a nap." "Please, its really easy, all you have to do is answer the questions that i ask you. If you don't know the answer, then you give me five dollars, and if I don't know the answer to your question, then Ill give you five dollars."

"I really don't want to do this. I just want to take a nap."

"Oh but PLEASE pretty please. Okay, how about if I don't know the answer to your question, I'll give you five hundred dollars." The blonde woman became interested and decided to play the game.

"Okay. How many moons does jupiter have?" the young man asked. The woman reached into her purse and took out a five dollar bill. "What goes up the mountain with three legs and comes back down with four?".

The young man, determined not to lose, gets out his laptop and searches all over the internet for an answered. Flustered and confused, the young man hand the blonde five hundred dollars.

After a few hours, the young man was itching to know the answer to the question."What was the answer to the riddle?" the blonde woman reached into her purse and handed the young man a five dollar bill.

[|MYT|Torq]

Nice one Alexis my Friend....

[|MYT|Torq]

ANOTHER Tickler

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and
towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.


You've done very well so far,' said, Chris Tarrant, the show's
presenter,'but for a million pounds you've only got one lifeline left -
phone a friend.
Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it?'


'Sure,' said Mick. 'I'll have a go!'


'Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?'
A: Sparrow
B: Thrush
C: Magpie
D: Cuckoo


I haven't got a clue,' said Mick, 'so I'll use me last lifeline and phone
me friend Paddy back home in Dublin'. Mick called up his mate, and told him the
circumstances and repeated the question to him.


'Fookin' hell, Mick!' cried Paddy. 'Dat's simple......it's a cuckoo.'


'Are you sure?'


'I'm fookin' sure!' Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, 'I'll go wit
Cuckoo as me answer.'


'Is that your final answer?' asked Chris


'Dat it is, Sir.'


There was a long - long pause, and then the presenter screamed, 'Cuckoo is
the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!'

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.


'Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that
doesn't build its own nest?


'Because he lives in a Fookin' clock!'

[|MYT|Alexis]

Heheheeee good one Torq my Friend

[|MYT|Alexis]

Two Blind Pilots


Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into t heir magazines, secure in the knowledge that the pl ane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

[|MYT|Torq]

Nice one Alexis my Friend ...

Another Tickler

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he
wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of
many.'

The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and
went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
said, 'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards
instead of your collar.'

[|MYT|Alexis]

Nice one Torq My Friend