omg that one was crank
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|MYT|Cger
- Inactive Member
- Posts: 257
- Joined: 09 Sep 2006, 17:55
- Location: Germany
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|MYT|Torq
- Clan Leader
- Posts: 5723
- Joined: 23 Jun 2006, 17:58
- Discord: |MYT|Torq#8727
- Location: UK
ANOTHER DITTY
After a long night of making love,
>
> The guy notices a photo of another man,
>
> On the woman's nightstand by the bed.
> He begins to worry.
>
> "Is this your husband?"
>
> He nervously asks.
>
> "No, silly,"
>
> She replies, snuggling up to him.
>
> "Your boyfriend, then?"
>
> He continues.
>
> "No, not at all,"
>
> She says, nibbling away at his ear.
>
> "Is it your dad or your brother?"
>
> He inquires, hoping to be reassured.
>
> "No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!"
> She answers.
>
> "Well, who in the heck is he, then?"
>
> He demands.
>
> She whispers in his ear
>
> "That's me before the surgery
After a long night of making love,
>
> The guy notices a photo of another man,
>
> On the woman's nightstand by the bed.
> He begins to worry.
>
> "Is this your husband?"
>
> He nervously asks.
>
> "No, silly,"
>
> She replies, snuggling up to him.
>
> "Your boyfriend, then?"
>
> He continues.
>
> "No, not at all,"
>
> She says, nibbling away at his ear.
>
> "Is it your dad or your brother?"
>
> He inquires, hoping to be reassured.
>
> "No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!"
> She answers.
>
> "Well, who in the heck is he, then?"
>
> He demands.
>
> She whispers in his ear
>
> "That's me before the surgery
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|MYT|Aciidc0der
- Inactive Member
- Posts: 399
- Joined: 24 Jul 2006, 02:26
- Location: México
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BigKev
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 687
- Joined: 01 Oct 2005, 16:26
- Location: Scotland
Credit for this goes to the CQB Scotland forum
A little warning to you all
A 'Heads Up' for those of us men who may be regular B&Q customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't
be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works.
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you
are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your
windshield with a rag and Windex, almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.
It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip,
they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another B&Q or HomeBase.
You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start
undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and
starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen September 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,
17th, 20th & 24th. Also October 1st, 4th, twice on the 6th, three
times just yesterday, and very likely this coming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.
A little warning to you all
A 'Heads Up' for those of us men who may be regular B&Q customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't
be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works.
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you
are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your
windshield with a rag and Windex, almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.
It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip,
they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another B&Q or HomeBase.
You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start
undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and
starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen September 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,
17th, 20th & 24th. Also October 1st, 4th, twice on the 6th, three
times just yesterday, and very likely this coming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.
..non illegitamati carborundum..
sunglasses make you look cool
sunglasses make you look cool
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|MYT|Jahhhh
- Inactive Member
- Posts: 716
- Joined: 17 Aug 2005, 05:32
- Location: Estonia
- Contact: Website
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Allan
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 539
- Joined: 14 Oct 2005, 21:18
- Contact: Website Yahoo Messenger
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|MYT|Aciidc0der
- Inactive Member
- Posts: 399
- Joined: 24 Jul 2006, 02:26
- Location: México
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Delta
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 85
- Joined: 26 Jul 2005, 17:36
- Location: Arizona, USA
- Contact: Yahoo Messenger
Here's a DELTA DITTY...
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to
consider this...
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to
Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to
continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for
four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours
later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for$350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tellsthe clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth
$350.00. When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man
insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel
has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were availablefor the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which
the hotel is famous." The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains the man again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies,
" But we didn't use it! "
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check.
"But Sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $50.00."
"That's correct," says the man.
" I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies." She was here and you could have."
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to
consider this...
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to
Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to
continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for
four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours
later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for$350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tellsthe clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth
$350.00. When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man
insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel
has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were availablefor the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which
the hotel is famous." The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains the man again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies,
" But we didn't use it! "
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check.
"But Sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $50.00."
"That's correct," says the man.
" I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies." She was here and you could have."
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|MYT|Torq
- Clan Leader
- Posts: 5723
- Joined: 23 Jun 2006, 17:58
- Discord: |MYT|Torq#8727
- Location: UK
Good One Delta.... 
Here is another :
> The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'
>
> Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, 'You've got ?9000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch.'
>
> The bloke perks up at this.
>
> 'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean,
> if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you
> decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'
>
> So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.
>
> 'So,' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?'
>
> 'I have,' says the fellow.
>
> 'And has she helped you in making the decision?'
>
> 'She has,' says the bloke.
>
> 'And what is it?' asks the doctor. .
>
> 'We're having a new kitchen!'
Here is another :
> The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'
>
> Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, 'You've got ?9000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch.'
>
> The bloke perks up at this.
>
> 'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean,
> if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you
> decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'
>
> So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.
>
> 'So,' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?'
>
> 'I have,' says the fellow.
>
> 'And has she helped you in making the decision?'
>
> 'She has,' says the bloke.
>
> 'And what is it?' asks the doctor. .
>
> 'We're having a new kitchen!'
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Mark
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 421
- Joined: 05 Mar 2006, 07:40
- Location: s.e. uk
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|MYT|Torq
- Clan Leader
- Posts: 5723
- Joined: 23 Jun 2006, 17:58
- Discord: |MYT|Torq#8727
- Location: UK
YET ANOTHER TICKLER
> > A chicken farmer went to a local bar... sat next to a woman and
ordered a glass of champagne.
> >
> > The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
> >
> > 'What a coincidence,' the farmer says, 'This is a special day for me,
I'm celebrating.'
> >
> > 'This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!' says the
woman.
> >
> > 'What a coincidence' says the man. As they clinked glasses the farmer
> > asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
> >
> > 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
> > gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!'
> >
> > 'What a coincidence,' says the man ... 'I'm a chicken farmer and for
years
> > all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized
> > eggs.'
> >
> > 'That's great!' says the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
> >
> > 'I used a different cock,' he replied.
> >
> > The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence'
> > A chicken farmer went to a local bar... sat next to a woman and
ordered a glass of champagne.
> >
> > The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
> >
> > 'What a coincidence,' the farmer says, 'This is a special day for me,
I'm celebrating.'
> >
> > 'This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!' says the
woman.
> >
> > 'What a coincidence' says the man. As they clinked glasses the farmer
> > asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
> >
> > 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
> > gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!'
> >
> > 'What a coincidence,' says the man ... 'I'm a chicken farmer and for
years
> > all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized
> > eggs.'
> >
> > 'That's great!' says the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
> >
> > 'I used a different cock,' he replied.
> >
> > The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence'
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|MYT|Torq
- Clan Leader
- Posts: 5723
- Joined: 23 Jun 2006, 17:58
- Discord: |MYT|Torq#8727
- Location: UK
YET ANOTHER TICKLER
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening,
when the missus felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck,
and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then caressed her shoulders and neck,
slowly worked his hand down over her breasts,
stopping just over her lower stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm,
caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side,
passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.
He continued in the same manner on her right side,
then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing,
she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful.
Why did you stop?"
I found the remote," he mumbled.
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening,
when the missus felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck,
and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then caressed her shoulders and neck,
slowly worked his hand down over her breasts,
stopping just over her lower stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm,
caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side,
passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.
He continued in the same manner on her right side,
then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing,
she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful.
Why did you stop?"
I found the remote," he mumbled.
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|MYT|Aciidc0der
- Inactive Member
- Posts: 399
- Joined: 24 Jul 2006, 02:26
- Location: México
-
|MYT|Torq
- Clan Leader
- Posts: 5723
- Joined: 23 Jun 2006, 17:58
- Discord: |MYT|Torq#8727
- Location: UK
Re: Torq's Ticklers
YET ANOTHER
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said: "I am a Father."
The little boy replied: "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered: "I am the Father of many."
The boy said: "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!"
The priest, getting impatient, said: "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said: "Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar???.
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said: "I am a Father."
The little boy replied: "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered: "I am the Father of many."
The boy said: "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!"
The priest, getting impatient, said: "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said: "Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar???.
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|MYT|Torq
- Clan Leader
- Posts: 5723
- Joined: 23 Jun 2006, 17:58
- Discord: |MYT|Torq#8727
- Location: UK
Re: Torq's Ticklers
ANOTHER
Subject: Mr. Bond
>>
>>
>>A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next
>>
>>to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance,
>>then
>> casually looks at his watch for a moment.
>>The woman notices this and asks,
>>
>> "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "My boss has
>> just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
>>
>>The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so
>> special about it?" Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me
>>>telepathically."
>>
>>The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
>>"Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers...."
>>The woman giggles and replies,"
>> Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!"
>>Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour
>> fast."
Subject: Mr. Bond
>>
>>
>>A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next
>>
>>to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance,
>>then
>> casually looks at his watch for a moment.
>>The woman notices this and asks,
>>
>> "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "My boss has
>> just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
>>
>>The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so
>> special about it?" Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me
>>>telepathically."
>>
>>The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
>>"Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers...."
>>The woman giggles and replies,"
>> Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!"
>>Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour
>> fast."