Eighteen double vodkas
A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is ***."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I just found out that my youngest son is ***, too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
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CodeBlack
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 251
- Joined: 15 Sep 2007, 19:46
- Location: London
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|MYT|Torq
- Clan Leader
- Posts: 5723
- Joined: 23 Jun 2006, 17:58
- Discord: |MYT|Torq#8727
- Location: UK
Re: Torq's Ticklers
Another from Me :
WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good
morning," said the young man.
"If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to
demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I'm broke and haven't got any money!" and
she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it
wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my
demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from
your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they
cut off my electricity this morning."
WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good
morning," said the young man.
"If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to
demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I'm broke and haven't got any money!" and
she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it
wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my
demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from
your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they
cut off my electricity this morning."
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Verwolf
- Posts: 98
- Joined: 13 Feb 2007, 17:03
- Location: Latvia/Riga
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Reypointss
- Spambot
- Posts: 280
- Joined: 19 Oct 2007, 14:02
- Location: Sarasota,FL
- Contact: Website Yahoo Messenger
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CodeBlack
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 251
- Joined: 15 Sep 2007, 19:46
- Location: London
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AnT
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 584
- Joined: 25 Jul 2005, 16:44
- Location: England
Re: Torq's Ticklers
Went Swimming the other day and to my suprise i got kicked out the pool... Was wondering why for ages then realised the S had fallen off my Speedo.... 
I laugh in the face of danger.
IN THE GHETTOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
IN THE GHETTOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
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|MYT|Torq
- Clan Leader
- Posts: 5723
- Joined: 23 Jun 2006, 17:58
- Discord: |MYT|Torq#8727
- Location: UK
Re: Torq's Ticklers
YET MORE
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, 'Have you been in the services?'
Yes,' he says. 'I was in the armed forces for three years.'
The interviewer says, 'That will give you extra points toward employment', and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?'
The guy says, 'Yes, 100%. A mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'
The interviewer tells the guy, 'OK, I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM till 5:00 PM. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 AM'
The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM , then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM?'
'This is a government job', the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, 'Have you been in the services?'
Yes,' he says. 'I was in the armed forces for three years.'
The interviewer says, 'That will give you extra points toward employment', and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?'
The guy says, 'Yes, 100%. A mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'
The interviewer tells the guy, 'OK, I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM till 5:00 PM. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 AM'
The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM , then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM?'
'This is a government job', the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.
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CodeBlack
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 251
- Joined: 15 Sep 2007, 19:46
- Location: London
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CodeBlack
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 251
- Joined: 15 Sep 2007, 19:46
- Location: London
Re: Torq's Ticklers
blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
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|MYT|Torq
- Clan Leader
- Posts: 5723
- Joined: 23 Jun 2006, 17:58
- Discord: |MYT|Torq#8727
- Location: UK
Re: Torq's Ticklers
Nice One M8........................ 
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Biffen
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 183
- Joined: 02 May 2007, 18:17
- Location: South west, England
Re: Torq's Ticklers
haha thats quite gd|MYT|AnT wrote:Went Swimming the other day and to my suprise i got kicked out the pool... Was wondering why for ages then realised the S had fallen off my Speedo....
Python baby.
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|MYT|Torq
- Clan Leader
- Posts: 5723
- Joined: 23 Jun 2006, 17:58
- Discord: |MYT|Torq#8727
- Location: UK
Re: Torq's Ticklers
YET MORE....a shorty
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?'
'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with breasts like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere'!
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?'
'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with breasts like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere'!
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CodeBlack
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 251
- Joined: 15 Sep 2007, 19:46
- Location: London
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Taran
- Ex-MYT
- Posts: 166
- Joined: 22 Oct 2007, 18:27
- Contact: Yahoo Messenger
Re: Torq's Ticklers
A couple are walking past a restuarant when they spot a sign in the window
which reads NO MENU!! IF WE DONT HAVE WHAT YOU WANT EVERYTHING ELSE IS FREE!
so they go in and sit down and the waiter asks what they would like
woman says "ill have a zebra steak and chips please!giggling!
man says "and ill have elephants balls on toast please!"sniggering
half an hour later theres no sign of their food and theres an almighty row going on in the kitchen with the waiter and the chef
eventually the the waiter comes out and puts down the womans dinner and says "zebra steak and chips madam"
he then turns to the man and says "im sorry sir but in all of 20 years working here this is the first time we could not fulfill a order !"
"hah!! i knew you wouldnt have had elephants balls!!!"says the man feeling very proud of himself
"no no sir its not that !!we ran out of bread!!"
A man wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told him to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The Man understood and was ready.
The time came and the Man jumps from the air plane. The instructor reminded him that he would be right behind him.
The Man proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the redneck.
The Man , seeing this, yelled as he undid the straps to his parachute,
"So you wanna race, eh?
which reads NO MENU!! IF WE DONT HAVE WHAT YOU WANT EVERYTHING ELSE IS FREE!
so they go in and sit down and the waiter asks what they would like
woman says "ill have a zebra steak and chips please!giggling!
man says "and ill have elephants balls on toast please!"sniggering
half an hour later theres no sign of their food and theres an almighty row going on in the kitchen with the waiter and the chef
eventually the the waiter comes out and puts down the womans dinner and says "zebra steak and chips madam"
he then turns to the man and says "im sorry sir but in all of 20 years working here this is the first time we could not fulfill a order !"
"hah!! i knew you wouldnt have had elephants balls!!!"says the man feeling very proud of himself
"no no sir its not that !!we ran out of bread!!"
A man wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told him to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The Man understood and was ready.
The time came and the Man jumps from the air plane. The instructor reminded him that he would be right behind him.
The Man proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the redneck.
The Man , seeing this, yelled as he undid the straps to his parachute,
"So you wanna race, eh?
Physical death i do not fear, death of conscience is a sure death.
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|MYT|KontenSchieter
- Inactive Member
- Posts: 83
- Joined: 20 Sep 2007, 12:48
- Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
- Contact: Website
Re: Torq's Ticklers
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"