Torq's Ticklers

[|MYT|Alexis]

Restaurant....

Two guys go into a small diner for breakfast, the waitress comes up and asks for their order. "I'll have two eggs over easy, toast, and juice." the first man says. "And I'll have two eggs scrambled, toast, and juice in a clean glass" says the other. The waitress comes some time later and asks "...now who gets the clean glass?"

[|MYT|Torq]

hehehehehehe nice one Alexis

Another from me :

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold
blistery day.

The daughter said to her mother,
'My hands are freezing cold.'

The mother replied,
'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.'

The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,
'My hands are freezing cold.'

The girl replied,
'Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up.'

He did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.

He said,
'My nose is cold.'

The girl replied
'Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up.'

He did and warmed his nose.

The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said,
'My penis is frozen solid.'

The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again,
and she asks,
'Have you ever heard of a penis?'

Concerned the mother said,
'Why yes..... why do you ask?'

The daughter replies,
'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!!!

[|MYT|Alexis]

Ahahahaaaaa nice... Torq...


Afraid of the Dark

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, ???Mama, I don??™t want to go out there. It??™s dark.??? The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. ???You don??™t have to be afraid of the dark,??? she explained. ???Jesus is out there. He??™ll look after you and protect you.??? The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, ???Are you sure he??™s out there???? ???Yes, I??™m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him,??? she said. The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, ???Jesus? If you??™re out there, would you please hand me the broom????

[|MYT|Torq]

Thx Alexis nice Tickler.....hehehehe

Another Fom Me.....

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling
> and plays golf every Saturday.

>
> His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she
> takes him to a local strip club..
>
>
> The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'
> His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
> 'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowlingleague.
>
>
>
> When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and
> brings over a Budweiser.
>
> His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did
> sheknow that you drink Budweiser?'
> 'I recognize her - she's the waitress from the golf club.
> I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
>
> A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob,
> starts to rub herself all over him and says,
>
>
> 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
>
>
> Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
> Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.
> Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her...
> Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken
> him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it ..
> She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4
> letter word in the book.
> The cabby turns around and says,
>
> 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
>
>
>
>
>
> Bobs funeral will be on Friday.

[Mekanos]

[CodeBlack]

hahaha

[|MYT|Hest]

good ones

[|MYT|Alexis]

Hahahahaaaaa Nice One... Torq...

[|MYT|Alexis]

A Case for More Beer

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

[|MYT|Alexis]

A famous soccer player parked his brand new porsche outside a gift store and went inside to shop.
About ten minutes later a blonde salesgirl ran up to him shouting, "I just saw someone steal your sports car."
"Did you try to stop him?" asked the soccer player.
"No," said the blonde. "I did better than that, I got the registration number of the car!"

http://www.superlaugh.com/1/catnip.htm

[|MYT|Alexis]

Girlfriend.......

My girlfriend walked into a shop to buy curtains.
She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those curtains in pink, the size of my computer screen.
The salesman said, "Computers don't need curtains."
My girlfriend said, "Hellooo, I have windows!"

[|MYT|Torq]

Nice One Alexis my Friend



Thx for your postings ...

[|MYT|Torq]

ANOTHER

'An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman, so that they could produce children,beautiful beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter, he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.

So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, 'They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want.'

The man dated the first daughter, and the next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

'Well,'said the man,'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed.'

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

'Well,'the man replied,'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed.'

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, 'She's perfect! Just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!'

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.

When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you could ever imagine!!

He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

'Well,'explained the farmer, 'She was just a weeeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell... pregnant when you met her.'

[eatit]

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Mon key tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But man said: 'Only twenty yea rs? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do m onkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

[|MYT|Alexis]

Smart Student......


The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late.

Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.

A 'smart' student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?"

As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look.

"Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."